Sermon Series
How to Face Our Future! – Part 10
"How to Avoid Arguments"
Pastor Jerry
James 4:1-10
------------------------------------- Message Synopsis -------------------------------------
Let me ask you a personal question.
Do any of you ever argue with anyone?
We're going to be looking at what James has to say on
“How to Avoid Arguments.” James talks about that in the scripture reading and he gives us both the causes and the cures -- the reason for argument and the remedy.
Now, at the very start of this message, I want you to think of the person that causes the most conflict in your life.
I. The Cause for Arguments:
DESIRES.
James had some profound insights on the cause of conflict.
4:1 "What causes fights and quarrels among you. Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" James says that
the cause of arguments is conflicting desires.
What are those desires? The Bible makes very clear here and other places in Scripture that there are
three basic desires we have that cause conflict. These desires are legitimate desires unless they're out of control. They will cause conflict. What are they?
- THE DESIRE TO HAVE
We want to have things. To buy things!
v. 2 "You want what you don't have ... you long for what others have." God created things to be used and to enjoy. The problem is when we start loving things and using people - when things become more important in your life.
It's very easy to fall in love with things these days –commercials promise you more fun, more satisfaction, that will make you more desirable. The reality is that we discover that it actually doesn’t live up to its promise – we don’t feel satisfied – that we feel empty inside. There’s a great tragedy today with the emptiness of people trying to fill their lives with things. It causes all kinds of conflict.
Another
desire we have that causes conflict…
- THE DESIRE TO FEEL
I want to feel good.
v. 3 "You want only what will give you pleasure" It's not wrong to enjoy life. 1 Timothy 6:17
"God made everything for our enjoyment." But when pleasure becomes the number one goal in your life you're asking for conflict. The fact is, if I'm more interested in my comfort than I am in yours, and my desire is opposed, resentment builds up. My desire to feel good creates conflict.
The third
desire we have that causes conflict…
- THE DESIRE TO BE
This is pride, power, prominence, popularity. I want to be number one. It's the desire for
"me first". We walk around saying
"Watch me"– Watch me by the way I dress- by the kind of car I drive- by the kind of house I own. It's a desire to impress.
Proverbs 13:10
"Pride leads to arguments." Why? I'm too proud to compromise and that causes conflict. Have you ever been in an argument where you knew you were wrong but you wouldn't admit it? Pride causes arguments.
James tells us that
pride -- when we think we can do things on our own -- causes two problems. v. 2-3
"You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives." Here James tells us two reasons why our desires aren't fulfilled. Number one:
We don't pray. We don't ask God. We look to the wrong source. However, when we do pray, we usually pray with the wrong motive. That’s the second reason why our desires aren't fulfilled:
We ask things in a selfish way.
The Bible has said that everything I need God has promised to provide. He'll meet our desires
to have, to be, to feel -- if we'll ask in prayer. But, we'd rather try to work it out ourselves.
Prayerlessness in itself is an evidence of pride. Why don't I pray? If I really thought I was more dependent upon God and I needed Him more I'd pray more. James says we'd have a lot more peace - lot less to worry about - a lot less to argue about -a lot less to fight over if we just prayed more, and trusted God.
In the next verses, James talks about conflict with God. Pride not only causes conflict with other people but it causes conflict with God. v. 6
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." To be in opposition to God is a dangerous place to be. It’s a dead end. There's no way you're going to win.
If pride is the cause of arguments -- and that's the case James is making -- What's the cure
II. The Cure for Arguments:
Humility.
vs. 6 & 10
"God ... gives grace to the humble. Humble yourself before the Lord, and he will lift you up." What is grace? Grace is God's power to change. You can't change on your own. You need God's power and that's called grace. There is only one way you get grace. You
humble yourself. God doesn't give grace to people who are full of pride and think
"I can do this on my own." He gives it when we come and say,
"God, I need your help."
James gives four specific actions that need to be taken in order to stop the conflicts, to stop the arguments …stop the fighting. Here's how you diffuse a conflict, no matter who it's between. You do four things to diffuse a conflict:
- GIVE IN TO GOD
"Submit yourself then to God." v. 7. Let God be God in your life. Give Him control. Put Him in charge. Yield yourself to Him. This is the starting point. It’s because you have conflict on the inside. This is the real issue. The starting point is getting peace inside before you can have peace outside. Colossians 3:15
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart." The starting point of getting along with others, to avoid arguments, is get peace in your heart through the rule of Christ. You stop praying,
"Lord, change them" and start praying,
"Lord, change me." This means you learn to pray
"Thy will be done" instead of praying
"My will be done". That's the difference. When you can say
"Lord, whatever You want that's what I want" then the peace process starts.
- GET WISE TO SATAN
Realize what the devil's doing. Realize where the conflict comes from and that he's the source behind it. Don't be ignorant.
"Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." The devil wants to destroy your relationships with others. Why? Because he loves conflict, arguments. James says you've got to give into God, let Him have control. Then resist the devil and realize what he's doing, be prepared. How does the devil operate? He plays on our pride. Particularly wounded pride. He gives us little thoughts, suggestions, ideas. He whispers in your ear, things like
"You don't have to take this kind of stuff. Show 'em who's boss." He tells you all the things your pride loves to hear. You need to resist him.
How do you resist the devil? Same way Jesus did it. He quoted Scripture. Memorize Proverbs 13:10
"Pride leads to arguments." The scripture says,
"Resist the devil and he will flee." Be prepared, give in to God and get wise to Satan.
- GROW CLOSER TO GOD
How do you grow closer to God? By reading the Bible, going to church, listening to Christian music -- all of these kinds of things help you grow closer to God.
"Come near to God and He will come near to you." (v 8a) I have made an amazing discovery that the more time I spend alone with God, the better I get along with other people. Count on it! Grow closer to God and have less arguments with others.
Often we only draw close to God when we're in trouble? We need to spend time with God every day; a daily devotional time. The more you spend time with the Lord, the more you're going to enjoy the rest of your time. You'll get along better with others because you're spending time with God. I challenge you to do that. When you move toward God, God moves toward you.
You give in to God, get wise to Satan, draw close to God and then...
- BE WILLING TO ASK FORGIVENESS
If you want to stop the conflicts in your life, if you want to get along with other people, avoid arguments, learn to ask forgiveness from God and from those you hurt. v. 8
"Wash your hands ... purify your hearts..." Our hands represent our
conduct and
hearts represent
attitudes. James' saying, clean up your act. v. 9 (LB)
"Let there be tears for the wrong you've done." Don't minimize what's happened. Take it seriously. Be sorry for your self-centeredness. If someone says you've hurt them,
you've hurt them. Be willing to ask forgiveness.
Now... go back to that person I asked you to think about when we began this message. Would you like to begin to resolve the conflict with that person? How do you do it? Are you willing to go and apologize for your part?
"I know we've had our differences and I know I haven't always been thoughtful. A lot of times I've thought more about myself than your needs." How humbling that would be! Right! Because God gives grace to the humble! If you want to change, the only way you're going to change is to be humble, and the only way to be humble is to go and ask forgiveness.
v. 10
"Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up." The Bible says that God lifts up the humble and the more honest we are about our weaknesses and our faults, the more God honors us.
If you want to be honored, it means humility.
In the first three verses of this chapter, four times it says you're unsatisfied --
"you want but you don't get", "you strive for but you can't have". You're unsatisfied. Many people in life are unsatisfied with the way they are living. The secret of satisfaction is in Jesus Christ. Give yourself to Him and find your needs met in Him rather than in things or other people. .
Jesus is all you will ever need.
