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Sermon Series
How to Face Our Future! – Part 9
"How to Relate Wisely to Others"
Pastor Jerry
James 3:13-18
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Every day you encounter many different kinds of people. Some are very delightful. Some are very difficult. Some of them are inspiring. Some of them are irritating. Some are fascinating, some are intimidating.
And the fact is, a lot of the problems we have in life are because of personality conflicts; because we don't get along with people. When your relationships are bad, life stinks. Life is miserable. And even if you may have lots of money, lots good looks, and lots of education, but if your relationships are bad, you're miserable.
It's very important that we learn how to get along with other people.
James gives some practical advice. Today we're going to look at what he has to say about,
“How do we relate wisely to other people.” (v18) is the key verse,
"And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness." James says, every day in every relationship, you're planting seeds. Seeds of anger, jealousy, peace, confidence, insecurity, many different kinds of seeds.
So, what you sow is what you will reap. You will inevitable reap what you sow in your relationships. And the important questions we must answer is,
How can I plant seeds of peace? How can I be a peacemaker? How can I have peaceful relationships?
James answers that in (v13): it’s by Wisdom. We need to learn how to be wise in the way we act toward people. Often we treat people in very foolish ways and we provoke the exact opposite behavior of what we would normally like to see in them. Common sense is not so common sometimes.
A lot of smart people are not so wise sometimes. They may be educated but they don't have wisdom.
James, in this passage, does three things: (1) he defines real wisdom, then he shows
(2) how it differs from human wisdom, then he details
(3) how it operates.
The first thing he says in (v13), is that *
wisdom is a lifestyle. It has nothing to do with your intelligence. It has everything to do with your character.
"Who is wise and understanding among you. Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom." Imagine James coming into the Boones Mill Church and asking,
"May I see the hands of those who are wise?" If you're naive enough to raise your hand he would say,
"Prove it! Show me. Show me your wisdom by your lifestyle." It's not a matter of what you say with your lips but a matter of what you live with your life. Not so much your education, but your disposition that really shows how wise you are.
How do you get along with other people? That shows how wise you really are. It's a lifestyle.
Wisdom has more to do with character in relationships than it has to do with education and intelligence.
Wisdom creates humility. Knowledge causes pride, but
wisdom causes humility.
(vs14-16) James says
* lack of wisdom causes problems -- all kinds of problems. (v14)
"If you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart don't boast about it and deny the truth. Such `wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, even of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition there you find disorder and every evil practice." Lack of wisdom causes all kinds of disorder and problems, chaos and confusion. Do you have confusion in your life?
Selfishness causes all kinds of problems in our lives.
How can I know if I'm wise in how I relate toward people?
Today, we're going to take a wisdom test. We're going to test your wisdom -- see how wise you really are. James in (v17) lists the characteristics of wise people.
“…wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy & good fruit, impartial & sincere."
- IF I'M WISE I WILL NOT COMPROMISE MY INTEGRITY.
"The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure..." Pure means uncorrupted, authentic. In 1 John 3:3 this word is used to refer to Christ's character.
Integrity! If I'm really genuine, if I'm wise, I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not going to cheat you, I'm not going to manipulate you, I'm not going to be deceitful.
I'll be a person of integrity; because all relationships are built on trust and respect. If you don't have honesty who's going to trust you? If you don't have honesty who's going to respect you? You have to have integrity in your life. Dr. Leonard Keeler, the man who invented the lie detector, tested 25,000 people and came to the conclusion that people are basically dishonest.
So, if I am wise I will not compromise my integrity.
- IF I AM WISE I WILL NOT ANTAGONIZE YOUR ANGER.
I won't try to make you angry.
Wise people work at maintaining harmony. They're not always looking for a fight.
"Wisdom is peace loving." Have you ever met someone who is always arguing, always looking for a fight? If you're smart you don't antagonize people's anger. Proverbs 20:3
"Any fool can start arguments. The wise thing is to stay out of them." Proverbs 14:29
"A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes." How many of you have ever done something stupid in anger? Anger causes mistakes.
If I'm smart, if I'm wise in relationships, I won't compromise my integrity and I won't antagonize your anger.
- I WON'T MINIMIZE YOUR FEELINGS.
"Wisdom is considerate" and
"considerate" means
"mindful of the feelings of others". There is a common mistake that if I don't feel the way you feel then your feelings must be invalid or illogical or irrational or silly. Proverbs 15:4
"Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit." Typically when we react to people's emotions we say things that hurt. We put people down. James says if I'm wise in relationships I'll be considerate.
Do you ever play this game: My day was worse than your day. Husband comes home worn out and starts complaining,
"The traffic was bad – late getting home, my boss got upset – took out on me, the air conditioning went out – I suffocated." Wife says,
"Oh, yeah? Junior dunked the cat down the toilet – overflowed, locked keys in car – no groceries, the beans burned – that’s supper..." The fact is they both had a tough day. Wisdom is considerate. Allow your spouse to be tired without having to say,
"I'm more tired that you are." The fact is, you're both tired. If you care you'll be aware.
If I'm wise in relationships, I won't compromise my integrity and I won't antagonize your anger and I won’t minimize your feelings.
- I WON'T CRITICIZE YOUR DECISIONS/SUGGESTIONS.
A wise person can learn from anybody. He's not defensive. He's open to reason. He's not stubborn. He's willing to listen and learn. Are you a reasonable person? Can your family members reason with you? The Bible says if you're wise, you're reasonable. Most of us are too oversensitive. If somebody makes a suggestion we take it as a personal criticism and we're defensive. James says that's not smart. A wise person can learn from anybody. A pastor preaches and when it's over a guy walks out and says,
"Pastor, that sermon stunk." Pastor is trying to be real open about it, reasonable, wise,
"What didn't you like about it?" The man says
"In the first place you read it. In the second place you read it poorly. In the third place it wasn't worth reading in the first place." Another guy walks out right behind him and says,
"Don't listen to old Jim. He just repeats what he hears everybody else say." Humm…If you're wise you'll be open to suggestions. Don't get defensive. Proverbs 12:15
"A fool thinks he needs no advice. A wise man listens to others." If it's true, listen and learn from it. If it's false, ignore it and forget it.
A wise person will not compromise one’s integrity, nor antagonize your anger, does not minimize your feelings, and does not criticize your suggestions.
- IF I'M WISE I WON'T EMPHASIZE YOUR MISTAKES.
"Wisdom is full of mercy and good fruit." Do you jump on people every time they blunder, every time they make a fault and fumble it? Why?
Wisdom is full of mercy. I won't emphasize your mistakes. Do you ever let people go, or do you keep hounding them about their past mistakes? If I'm wise, I won't emphasize your mistake.
I'll be full of mercy. I'll give you what you need, not what you deserve. Proverbs 17:9
"Love forgets mistakes. Nagging about them parts even the best of friends." If you're wise you don't rub it in, you rub it out. You don't hold it over their heads. You forget it. When somebody stumbles, you don't judge them.
You encourage them. We don't need judgment. We need encouragement when we stumble. Are you that way with people?
The wise thing is to not emphasize the mistake. James says,
“If I'm wise in relationships, I won't compromise my integrity, antagonize your anger, minimize your feelings, won't criticize your suggestions, won't emphasize your mistakes.”
- IF I'M WISE, I WON'T DISGUISE MY OWN WEAKNESSES.
A mark of a wise person is they don't try to hide and disguise their own weaknesses.
"Wisdom is impartial and sincere." James says if you're smart and wise, you're not phony. You don't pretend to be something you're not. I've said before, if you're perfect this is not the church for you. This is for real people, with real sins, real hang ups, real faults, real emotional problems, real family problems. Real wise people are honest and open. They're not phony. They're genuine. They don't attain or pretend perfection. If I'm wise I'm not going to disguise my weaknesses.
Proverbs 28:13
"You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins." It's dumb to pretend that you're perfect, that you've got it all together because nobody does. If I'm wise I won't disguise my weaknesses. People appreciate honesty. James says,
“If I'm wise in relationships, I won't compromise my integrity, antagonize your anger, minimize your feelings, won't criticize your suggestions, won't emphasize your mistakes, and I won't disguise my weaknesses.”
How do you rate on the wisdom test?
(1) Is Your Wisdom
Pure? Are you honest and can you be trusted?
(2) Is Your Wisdom
Peace Loving? Do you offer ways to reduce anger?
(3) Is Your Wisdom
Considerate? Do you show kindness and caring?
(4) Is Your Wisdom Willing to
Listen & Learn? Do you accept suggestions from others?
(5) Is Your Wisdom
Full of Mercy &
Good Fruit? Do you forgive peoples their mistakes?
(6) Is Your Wisdom
Impartial and
Sincere? Do you pretend to be more than you are?
How do I get wisdom? How do I become one of those wise people in relationships so that I have that peace that that I need! There’s a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge comes from education.
Wisdom comes from God. To get knowledge you look around.
To get wisdom you look up. Knowledge comes from reason.
Wisdom comes from revelation. Knowledge is something you learn.
Wisdom is a gift.
James 1:5
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God." Wisdom is a gift from God.
Colossians 2:3
"The secret is Christ Himself. In Him lie hidden all God's treasures of wisdom." It's all wrapped up in a person, Jesus Christ. If you want God's wisdom get Jesus in your life. You invite Him into you life and say,
"Christ, let me think Your thoughts through my mind and say Your words through my mouth. Lord You help people through my hands. Love people with my heart. And put Your wisdom in my mind." The wisest thing I ever did was give my life to Jesus Christ. Why didn't I do it sooner? That's where wisdom comes from. If only I trust Him. When you get God's wisdom in your life, day by day, as you allow Him into your life and Trust Him and let Him develop your character, you'll find your relationships getting better and better. Even if the person on the other end isn't making an improvement, things will get better because Jesus will make them better. Trust Jesus to make it so. Will you TRUST JESUS TODAY!
